Pesach/Parents/Family and break

So as I promised on my Facebook page for the blog, I'm posting about the last few weeks, obviously I have had a few short posts but nothing substantial.

Well Pesach has been and gone and we're almost at Shavuot.  But for the first time since I made Aliyah over 6 and a half years ago my parents and sister were here in Israel for it.  Since I made Aliyah it’s either been me going to England or being here by myself so this was a real nice thing to have.  Of course it was a chance for my parents and sister to meet their Great nephew and little cousin Lev who they had not yet met.  I'm pretty sure he charmed them all. So my sister came for two weeks, the day before Pesach and part way into the week after.  My parents were in fact here for a month which is the longest time we've been in the same country in over 6 and a half years. So it was nice to see them for the first time in almost a year the day after they arrived when I joined them, my Aunt and Uncle and my cousin and his wife for dinner at their place in Tel Aviv and it was nice to sit with the family.  Then it was onto Rehovot at the end of the week for Seder and the 1st day of Pesach.  

Now for the longest time since my parents moved to Manchester in 2007 it’s been pretty much a Seder of 4 or 3 when I wasn't in England, so having a big Seder was a nice experience, made also more chaotic in a good way with 3 children 4 and under.  But still it was good and it was nice to have a big family Seder and hey I wasn't the youngest so no Ma Nishtana for me this year :-).

After Rehovot my parents and sister were back in Netanya and I joined them as my office was closed for the week.  So I got to spend time with them.  While we didn't do much, there was the obligatory trip to Tel Aviv to Shuk HaCarmel and Nachlat Binyamin and hanging out in Dizengoff Centre to have a coffee and a Kosher for Passover cake. (Surprisingly it was good).

After Pesach I had to go back to work, but made time to hang with the parents and sister before my sister flew back to England and also to work.  Then with Yom Haatzmaut upon us, I took the opportunity to spend the evening with my parents and family watching the fireworks.  Then after a few days to myself, I re-joined my parents for a few more days before I saw them to the airport and they were off home back to England.

It really was fun to have them here for a long period, still was sad to see them go and I hope that they had fun and that's it not another year before I get to see them again.

Yom Hazikaron

Last week we remembered those who lost their lives during the Holocaust.  Tonight and tomorrow morning we will stand as a siren rings out throughout Israel and we will commemorate Yom Hazikaron a day to remember the fallen soldiers of Israel and those who lost their lives as a result of terrorism.

I've seen many people comment after the soldiers have taken action in the defence of this country, I have seen people speak ill of these soldiers and yes it’s easy to do that from a keyboard, easy to speak badly of people who you don't know and of a country you have never visited and never bothered to learn both sides of the story.  When I see the soldiers, I don’t see hardened, tough fighters, I see kids in uniform. I see 18 and 19 year old Israelis who shouldn't have to be in uniform, who should be doing what I got the opportunity to do at 18.  Which is go to University and live a life without have to worry about being called up and possibly going to war.

It’s easy for people to judge Israel, to judge these soldiers, but don't judge when you haven't lived here or experienced it.  I can't say I have experienced it, I came to Israel too old to join and do my part.  But I see these Israeli's going to the army to serve and do their duty and I am proud of them and every time there is trouble I pray that they safely come home to their families.  Because at the end of the day everyone wants their kids to come home safely no matter what they do.

Yom HaShoah - Never Forget

Tonight/Now here in Israel is Yom HaShoah known around the world as Holocaust Remembrance Day. Its a time of remembering the 6 million Jews who died in the Holocaust.  

Most of you probably might say who gives a f**k, it happened before I was born, didn't affect me, why should I care. Well you should care, maybe it doesn't affect you directly and you didn't lose a family member, but as saying goes Those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it. And that is very true. 

Has the world gotten any better since then, maybe people will say yes in terms of technology and other aspects, but there are still wars being fought, people are still dying because of simple differences. 

So tonight is important, remember what happened, all the lives that were lost and I know many of my friends have young children and you would do anything to protect them and to make the world a better place.  Focus on that, the world we live and work for, is for them, our future to live in a world where the Holocaust never happens again.

As someone who visited some of the camps in Poland, I do urge people if you have the chance to go there, to hear the stories and to remember and never let it be forgotten.

NEVER AGAIN.

Purim

So this week it was the Jewish Holiday of Purim, now the festival is over 1 day but here in Israel it seems to last all week, with parties and people dressing up.  If you're on my Facebook you will have undoubtedly seen me dressed up.  I decided to get into the spirit of things and try to enjoy myself.  

So something simple as a Superman top, with fake glasses and a proper shirt and voila Clark Kent/Superman... although according to a colleague at our office party I am the worst Clark Kent ever as I wasn't protecting my secret identity hehe...

Yes at work we had a party with games and an artist drawing pictures and food and it was cool, I think since I've been here and been working here I've not worked in an office that actively celebrates Purim and in fact you spend the whole morning doing so.  There was also the Mishloach Manot lottery.  Which was basically everyone had to get one and they would give theirs to the name they drew out of the hat and someone would give theirs to you and so on.  So pretty cool, although I now have lots of unhealthy snacks in the apartment and I'm trying to watch what I eat LOL.

For those who don't know Mishloach Manot or Purim basket is usually made up of food and drink and given to friends, family etc. as a gift.  I've actually seen people randomly stop cars and hand out these to people usually children because of the costume they are wearing.

As for Purim it’s the commemoration and story of the Jewish People being saved from Haman who was plotting to wipe all the Jews out and how he was stopped by Mordecai and Queen Esther. To remember the story of Megilla Esther is told every year at the Synagogues and it’s the one of the few times of year where synagogue at a festival is not a sombre or serious time it’s a celebration and during the reading when Haman's name is called out everyone is urged to make noise, be it banging their feet, booing or however you want to make noise... Yep it’s very much a party holiday.

Definitely cool to see people in costumes, I'm a little sad as I've felt excluded by people who could have included me in their plans to go to events that happened and it’s not fun to go to things by yourself, very much hiding in the corner when I'm on my own... sorry to be a little downer at the end but had to be said, it’s my blog and I'll vent if I want.

Otherwise life is good.

I find your lack of confidence disturbing

And there it is my confidence, not very high.  Yet everyone else seems to have faith and confidence in me, the question is why I don’t.  My boss said when I was told that I would have to deliver the report to the Distributor tomorrow that I am my own worst enemy, (basically you're here, we like you and you do a good job) have some faith in your own abilities.  I don't know why I've never had much self-confidence.  Maybe it just something I'm not fully in control of.

I'm sure my last job with the boss being the way he was, wasn't helpful to my self-confidence.  I just feel worried that I'm not doing a good job.  I suppose I have to listen to my Mum and look myself in the mirror and look myself in the eye and tell myself 'I can do this' and tell myself as many times and as many days as I have to, to believe it. Regardless of that, tomorrow I'm doing my first presentation at Moroccanoil and I think realistically I can be nervous as it’s my 1st time.  Still the report has been checked and its good, I just have to take a deep breath, don't babble and get on with it.

Otherwise things are okay, my dating life sucks, 2 scheduled dates and both cancelled for different reasons and probably won't be rescheduled, or it’s a couple of dates and told thanks but you’re not what I'm looking for, you're too nice and I might end up hurting you.  Seriously girls I'm not some fragile guy, I can take it.  I just wish I could meet someone who would see me for who I am.  I mean right now, everyone around me is either, getting married, married and having children or getting engaged and it’s hard not to feel left out on a social level as people move on and I just plod along... Break the cycle if I knew how.

Still it could be worse I could be a Hull City supporter... oh wait :-(... Seriously relegation seems on the cards for sure now and is it a good thing... maybe as possibly our owners will get lost and we'll get someone who gives a damn about the club and we can rebuild and come back stronger.

Anyway for now, I'm off to make dinner and relax before presentation time, see you later.

Not so good January :-(

Its been a bit of a weird January for me so far.  I've been social but not as much as I have been recently.  Since the beginning of the year I've not been well and maybe that's why I'm feeling a little isolated and alone at the moment.

I've had the traditional cold that I always seem to get at this time of year.  But something else has been bugging me health wise and I'm not sure if its something going on in my head.  Someone suggested maybe I'm anxious which is causing me to feel off..

Though I've even been told by work that I don't need to be anxious about anything there.  They actually told me that they're very happy with my performance and I shouldn't worry.  I think its nice that they're actually concerned about me as a person.  And as previously mentioned about the performance, I've also been given a pay rise which is great.  Feels weird though as previous jobs I've had to ask and not had pay rises after 7 months in a job before which is cool.

Not sure what else to tell you, very quiet at the moment as I feel like I'm stressed for now reason and I need to get past that, but I'm struggling with that.  Maybe I'm feeling a little lost at the moment, but hopefully eventually I'll find the right path again.

2017... I let you go.

Well it’s December 31st and it’s the last day of the year, the last evening before 2017 departs and 2018 arrives. It’s definitely been a year of a lot of upheaval for myself and I thought I'd just go back over the year as it ends.

So the year pretty much started as it has done with a relaxed and fun New Year’s Eve, because well in Israel it’s just a normal day and instead of nursing hangovers we're back at work in the morning... Well some people might be nursing hangovers lol.  Anyway I started the year still an English Typist, still feeling unappreciated at work and miserable in the job and despite my best efforts it took half the year for me to get out and get into something new.  There were times I despaired about leaving and moving on, that I would find something new and more challenging and that it would be noticed and I would be appreciated for my work.  Still it happened and funnily enough with Yom Haatzmaut Israel's Independence Day and the signing of a piece of paper I was ready to start a new challenge. Ready to start again.

It took another month but for the first time in many months I felt free of the burdens and being made to feel like I'm not worth much, I pretty much admit that my self-confidence isn't always the highest and sometimes I suffer a severe lack of self-belief.  But my last job certainly did a serious number on it.  Even now almost 7 months into a new job where I have been told by the Head of my department, that he and his Deputy are very happy with my performance, I still second guess myself.  I suppose that will never change, but if they are saying they are very happy with my performance so far then I shouldn't let negativity shine and believe their words and believe in myself.

I do however feel a bit like an outsider sometimes in my new job, heck in my social life.  At the moment it seems like everyone around me is married, getting married or starting a family.  And yes I love being able to see my friends so happy and meeting their little ones.  But I still feel alone at times, adrift in a sea of people and no matter how much I try to swim, I am just keeping my head above water.  Maybe 2018 will change all of that.

Still this year I did two good deeds and helped people find jobs, 1 person took my old job at the law office, although she moved on to a better and more suitable of her talents job and then funnily enough at a Friday night dinner I was talking with someone about what I do and that there were jobs going and through me she applied and she is now working in the same company and I think she's enjoying herself.  So maybe I can feel like I've done something worthwhile this year.

Maybe all the crap I've had to deal with is done and over.  Maybe 2018 will be different and everything I want will finally be there for me.  I don't honestly know as life is what you make of it, but hopefully it will be Oh, so brilliant.

Anyway Happy New Year, see you in 2018 :-)