Update to the last post LOL

So after my last post a few days ago, I thought I would update as there have been changes.... more stress :-(.  And at least I know someone has read it since they commented on my post....

Anyway, spoke with the landlord for this potential apartment yesterday (Sunday).  Apparently he wanted to change the goal posts as it were, increase the rent after 2 months, which he hadn't done with the previous tenant (I asked her).  He also wanted a ridiculous amount of security from myself and from a guarantor and maybe its good to be cautious about your tenants, but there is being cautious and there is overkill.  And when you mention it to various friends living here and they are like 'abort, abort'. You know you have made the right decision to back away from this. So with 3 weeks until the end of the month I'm back to apartment hunting.

However, I should point out that friends have offered me an opportunity regarding the apartment hunting which could help me out for a few months and I will be grateful that they are willing to help.

This situation is one of the ones that sometimes makes me feel like I'm not suited to life in Israel, that I should just pack up and go back to England, where everyone speaks the same language, but I suppose my parents didn't raise me to quit... even though I feel like currently curling into a ball and just laying there doing nothing.

Also, although not that common knowledge my Dad was in hospital for 2 and a half weeks at the end of October and part of November.  He is back home and getting better, but its tough to be here in Israel while your Dad is in Hospital.  People said why didn't you go back to the UK and yes I considered it. But honestly I would have just spent my time going between the hospital and my parents flat and worrying.  My Mum kept me updated.  But this situation is one of those where I realise how really hard it is to be away from the UK and from family.

Stressed and changes

So it’s been over a month since I wrote, a lot has happened during the last month or so... 

So the main thing that has me stressed out is apartment hunting.  I think I have said this before and probably will say it again, but it’s tough to search for an apartment.  In Israel there is a lot of competition for apartments.  You can go and see a place and within a few hours, someone else will have seen and signed the contract and if you wanted to think about the place, you've lost the opportunity.

Also, prices of the apartments for what you are seeing and what you will get, often there is a huge discrepancy in prices.  Apparently though people seem to think that others will pay a huge amount for a very tiny place.  And then there is the attitude that even if you're interested in a place and speak to the landlord, that they will advertise it still because maybe someone else will come along. 

This one I am talking for experience, I've seen a place that I liked and saw it a 2nd time with friends just to get all questions answered and get their opinion if they thought it was a good fit for me and having then spoken to the landlord I've been told to call back on Monday.  This worries me as I've seen people still responding to the post for the apartment on Facebook and the answer being that it is still relevant.  This is troubling, but shows how the market for apartments is in Israel. So if you have read this today (Saturday or on Sunday, or even Monday) please keep your fingers crossed that on Monday night I'm posting a happy Facebook post about a new place to live.

Also, I should thank the stress of apartment hunting, as it’s made me proactive to throw away a lot of stuff that I have accumulated over the past few years and don't really need to take to a new place.

Work is fine, tiring on some days as I occasionally have to go in earlier than normal to have phone calls with Australia... Yep I am have phone meetings with Australia.  I didn't think 7 years ago when I came to Israel, I would be holding regular meetings with people from across the other side of the world.  Yes, there are days when I'm still unsure of myself in the job, but it’s nice that my bosses are happy for me to take care of the meeting with Australia.  

From a social point of view, I do feel a little out of place at work, I think because of my age and that a lot of the singles in the office are a lot younger, it’s kind of tough for me to relate to them in the office.  Still working in an office that is predominantly female has its advantages.  As people have seen on my Facebook I have gotten new clothes in the last few months.  I wouldn't have done that by myself, it is in fact thanks to two of the ladies in the office that I have new clothes.  

If you have seen me in the new stuff, do I look better?  Interested to hear from people what they actually think, rather than a like on a picture on Facebook.

Otherwise not much else to really tell you, most of my focus is on hoping the apartment is signed on Monday and then getting myself moved... wish me luck.

7 years on Aliyahversary

So I've been thinking about this post. As to what I would write on the occasion of my Aliyaversary. It has been 7 years since I moved to Israel to start a new life and a lot has happened and a lot has not happened.

It’s funny, a friend's first reaction upon the news of my impending move to Israel was 'you're going to get blown up'.... my reply was to tell him that “I was more likely to die of a car accident.” The irony here is about 2 months into my new life in Israel I did get hit by a car. Fortunately a few bruises and a tetanus shot was all I needed.

So what can I say about the last 7 years, what have I got to show for it, 7 years or 2555 days. In that time I completed 5 months of Ulpan and my Hebrew is still not fantastic. I am working to improve it though, but I should be more fluent after 7 years.

After Ulpan I worked 9 different jobs, 6 of them weren't really proper jobs just short-term positions or I sucked at them and was shown the door. The last 2 before my current job, were certainly interesting. Can't say much about what happened about the job in Binyamina but a lot of people know why I only stayed 18 months there... still wonder if the business is still there. Then there is my 2 and a half years at the IP Law Firm, where I was fired, un-fired and given a second chance. Then I was told about 7 times in the space of a few weeks that I had one last chance and received emails regarding work with language that is not professional. I was treated with zero respect so by the time I finally escaped it wasn't a relief as I felt I had no self-worth or value as a contributing person to another job.

It’s taken nearly 18 months at my current job to even feel like I'm doing a good job and I was told last week that they are satisfied with my performance. They appear to like me which I suppose is good, even if I do still feel a little like an outsider sometimes.

Over 7 years, 4 different cities and 6 different places I've lived in since I got here. 5 months in the dorms in Haifa during Ulpan. 1 year in Rishon LeZion... again ironic that I lived in Rishon and was about 20 minutes’ walk from Moroccanoil, my current job. Funny to think that a number of years after I moved to Tel Aviv for work, I'm now living in Ramat Gan and working in Rishon.

So yeah, a year in Rishon before moving to near the beach in Tel Aviv for 6 months which quite frankly was a last chance as I'd been unemployed for 6 months and I wasn't sure if would be able to stay. Fortunately in those 6 months I found a short term job and then a more permanent role that made me feel like I might actually make it here. After my 6 months were up I wanted to move on, quite frankly if the apartment was destroyed, only the dirt would have survived. But I digress, I moved in with a friend in Ramat Aviv and lived there for over 18 months alongside her and for the last 6 months of my time there on my own. It was good if a little out of the way from a social point of view. Then I moved to South Tel Aviv into a place of my own. A nice apartment but a shame about the area and after a year there I moved to Ramat Gan where I've been for over 2 years now. Again a nice apartment with a good location and access to Tel Aviv. Still my time in this apartment is coming to an end as I have to move at the end of the year. Pretty sure I want to stay in Ramat Gan though.

Socially I'm not sure if it’s better than I had in London, I think maybe, I get out more than I probably did, but I do still feel a little isolated or alone but I'm getting out there. I just have to get out more and be more confident.

So after 7 years, I've certainly done some things, not sure if I've accomplished a lot. I know a lot of the people I made Aliya at the same time as have moved on, some back to England and some are still here. People still ask me why I am here, why do I stay and it’s a good question.

Fitting in

So I weighed about posting this one. Just something that is bothering me and if people read this they may not like what I have to say, some might agree or might not agree and some might not even care. This is something that has always bothered me, that generally I don't fit in anywhere. I mean yeah, I get out and about and I do have a social life but sometimes it feels like there are long periods where I hear very little from anyone unless its me reaching out and I'm tired of chasing after people. I think it stems from my social circles and heck even work, I don't feel like I fit in. Now I think you'll say well you should fit in, hang out with the singles you know, but the fact is most of the single are younger than me and I just don't fit in... the proverbial round peg in a square hole. I also sometimes feel a little ignored or unnoticed. That people don't see me even when I'm there and I know I can be a little awkward around people. Sometimes I'm better off not talking. I sometimes feel, even in a crowd of people, like I'm the outsider. Standing there trying to be noticed, to be included.

Summers here and going and Birthday

So, I wanted to update earlier this month, unfortunately I got distracted and forgot lol.  But here I am...

So since I last posted, not much as really happened, I did have a birthday and it was fun, nice to get out of the area and have a party and dinner with friends down south and I appreciate my friends who hosted me and the ones who came making the time for me.  I also got to play Dungeons & Dragons for the first time.  It was pretty fun, not sure its a me thing, despite my passion for science fiction and fantasy, but still nice way to spend the afternoon.

Generally its gone back to being quiet as Hamas seem to have run out of rockets... but as usual it will probably kick off again soon and I don't think the fire kites have actually stopped.

Work has a bit up and down for me and a little tough.  Things are okay but by my own admission I've been a little sloppy of late and I've had the typical good and bad days at work... Still I'm doing well in the job and even if I am making a few mistakes, its very nice to not have rude emails and shouting in response.

Socially its been fairly up and down as well, I want to get out more, but I kind of feel socially awkward going to new things, especially as it always seems that everyone else knows each other and I find it tough to be part of a group.  Also doesn't help that pretty much all of my friends are now either serious relationships, getting married, married or married and kids.  Surprised I haven't had anyone start saying to me that I should be settling down... which yes I know... still I'm doing my best.  Looking forward to September as with the Chaggim it means a lot of time out of work and I intend to enjoy it as best I can.

For now that's all folks.

Chaggim, holidays and life

So it’s been a while since I properly updated.  I think life has just kind of gotten in the way, or I've had nothing much to say/write.

First of all I would also like to thank my Uncle and Aunt for hosting me over Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, it was greatly appreciated.

With those two Chaggim done it’s now onto Sukkot and as such I am now on holiday from work until October :-).  Like Sukkot last year and as with Passover the company office here in Israel closes for all of Sukkot. I'll be honest I'm still finding it a little weird actually to get used to.  Though I suppose it is something you get used to. However, growing up in the UK, I would usually only ever have off the main days of the Chaggim, I never had the in-between period off... unless you count Passover when it fell over the Easter holidays while I was in school/university.  Still it’s nice to have this break, it really has been a while since I've had more than a few days break in a row.

Not sure what I will do for all of the time off, but I'm heading to spend Friday Afternoon through Sunday morning down in the south of Israel with friends to celebrate one of my best friends birthdays, so even though it’s not for a couple more days Happy Birthday Melissa, I hope you have an amazing year ahead and thank you for always being there to listen to me.

After Sukkot on Sunday/Monday, I'm Jerusalem bound to meet at least 1 friend on Tuesday and hang out in their Sukkah.  Also hopefully will get chance to see a former work colleague and meet their little girl, so I have things to do.  There is also the Icon Festival taking place Tuesday through Thursday.  Which basically caters for the geek in me.  So I will find things to do.

What else is there going on, well I've bought my ticket to fly to England for Passover next year.  Planning to take 2 and a half weeks to see the family and hopefully catch up with friends down in London.  As my 1st week will not be doing much because of Passover, I don't really need many plans.  But for the rest of my time there I for sure want things to do rather than just hanging out at my parents place.  So if people have things I can do in Manchester or the local area, please let me know.

  

There isn't much else to report, something rattling around in my head, but I'm trying to be more positive this year and not focus on the negative, maybe I will write about them... but for now they are staying locked up in back of my head where I can't hear them. So for now, I bid you all a good-bye. 

Updating Life

So it been a while since I posted, not really had much to write about. Obviously Israel is in news for attacking Gaza... well at least that's what the press is saying. In fact Israel is defending itself against Hamas who since April has been protesting at the border... it’s a totally 'peaceful' protest. This “Peaceful protest” lead to the death of some of them who should not have been there and the death of many Hamas terrorists. When you live in fear of your leaders and they say 'Take your sick child to the border and if Israel retaliate we can blame them!' of course it happens. Never mind that the baby that died was sick and never inhaled tear gas, meaning she had passed of her congenital heart defect and not the tear gas. Unfortunately the media outside of Israel hears one side of the story, doesn't listen for the whole story and only reports that big, bad Israel has been up to no good again. As it stands currently there are fires raging in the south due to kite bombs being sent over from Gaza, these are destroying land, property, schools, homes and livestock. The rest of the world is not crying out with outrage at these acts of terror. Or the homemade bombs attached to balloons being found by children in their back yards that no one is reporting on. Hamas has been launching rockets at the south and yet the headlines are 'Israel strikes Gaza'... doesn't take a genius to see that people will see only that and think the worst of Israel.

I don't know what the answer is, Israel has the right to defend itself, sadly the media doesn't want to hear all the facts and tell a balanced story. One day maybe.

Anyway onto me, nothing major to report. Work is going okay, I in fact had my first Yom Kef or Fun Day with work last month. In all the time and places I've worked here in Israel and the UK, I've never had a company say we're going out for the day to have fun and not work. There was food, drinks, activities, jeep rides... I lost my hat.... got it back though...and it was nice to get away from the office do something really different.

Meanwhile I'm actually off today as my company is closed for Tisha B Av the saddest day in the Jewish calendar and yes it’s nice to have a 3 day weekend, but in some ways it’s not fun since everyone else is at work. Apart from one friend who I managed to hang out with for a couple of hours, I'm pretty much trying to find things to do to entertain myself. I think I will sit in the park and read, always nice to do that. Also its now less than 3 weeks to my birthday...oh dear I'm going to be 41....

Moroccanoil: Year One

So I'm writing this on the evening of June 3rd. This time last year I was preparing for an early night as it was my first day of work in a new job and I wasn't sure what to expect, certainly didn't expect to be sitting here a year later writing a blog about my 1st year there.

I suppose in a new job it’s difficult to know how the first day will go. Sure everyone will probably say the 1st day is the most nerve wracking experience because you don't know the people, you might not have done this type of job before, and so it could be all of them. I knew they wanted me after all they had phoned me quite quickly after the 2nd interview to offer me the job, but still it’s not hard to be nervous. Still in some ways I'm a little nervous and unsure of myself, even though this office is a complete different environment to the previous work and certainly a much nicer environment.

I've met some nice people at the office and done some interesting things which is cool, stepped out of my comfort zone for sure with this job. I'd like to think I've done okay. So to everyone who has helped me over the time and if you're reading this, you might know who you are, I say thank you.

And well tomorrow is another day or is Moroccanoil: Year Two.

Pesach/Parents/Family and break

So as I promised on my Facebook page for the blog, I'm posting about the last few weeks, obviously I have had a few short posts but nothing substantial.

Well Pesach has been and gone and we're almost at Shavuot.  But for the first time since I made Aliyah over 6 and a half years ago my parents and sister were here in Israel for it.  Since I made Aliyah it’s either been me going to England or being here by myself so this was a real nice thing to have.  Of course it was a chance for my parents and sister to meet their Great nephew and little cousin Lev who they had not yet met.  I'm pretty sure he charmed them all. So my sister came for two weeks, the day before Pesach and part way into the week after.  My parents were in fact here for a month which is the longest time we've been in the same country in over 6 and a half years. So it was nice to see them for the first time in almost a year the day after they arrived when I joined them, my Aunt and Uncle and my cousin and his wife for dinner at their place in Tel Aviv and it was nice to sit with the family.  Then it was onto Rehovot at the end of the week for Seder and the 1st day of Pesach.  

Now for the longest time since my parents moved to Manchester in 2007 it’s been pretty much a Seder of 4 or 3 when I wasn't in England, so having a big Seder was a nice experience, made also more chaotic in a good way with 3 children 4 and under.  But still it was good and it was nice to have a big family Seder and hey I wasn't the youngest so no Ma Nishtana for me this year :-).

After Rehovot my parents and sister were back in Netanya and I joined them as my office was closed for the week.  So I got to spend time with them.  While we didn't do much, there was the obligatory trip to Tel Aviv to Shuk HaCarmel and Nachlat Binyamin and hanging out in Dizengoff Centre to have a coffee and a Kosher for Passover cake. (Surprisingly it was good).

After Pesach I had to go back to work, but made time to hang with the parents and sister before my sister flew back to England and also to work.  Then with Yom Haatzmaut upon us, I took the opportunity to spend the evening with my parents and family watching the fireworks.  Then after a few days to myself, I re-joined my parents for a few more days before I saw them to the airport and they were off home back to England.

It really was fun to have them here for a long period, still was sad to see them go and I hope that they had fun and that's it not another year before I get to see them again.

Yom Hazikaron

Last week we remembered those who lost their lives during the Holocaust.  Tonight and tomorrow morning we will stand as a siren rings out throughout Israel and we will commemorate Yom Hazikaron a day to remember the fallen soldiers of Israel and those who lost their lives as a result of terrorism.

I've seen many people comment after the soldiers have taken action in the defence of this country, I have seen people speak ill of these soldiers and yes it’s easy to do that from a keyboard, easy to speak badly of people who you don't know and of a country you have never visited and never bothered to learn both sides of the story.  When I see the soldiers, I don’t see hardened, tough fighters, I see kids in uniform. I see 18 and 19 year old Israelis who shouldn't have to be in uniform, who should be doing what I got the opportunity to do at 18.  Which is go to University and live a life without have to worry about being called up and possibly going to war.

It’s easy for people to judge Israel, to judge these soldiers, but don't judge when you haven't lived here or experienced it.  I can't say I have experienced it, I came to Israel too old to join and do my part.  But I see these Israeli's going to the army to serve and do their duty and I am proud of them and every time there is trouble I pray that they safely come home to their families.  Because at the end of the day everyone wants their kids to come home safely no matter what they do.

Yom HaShoah - Never Forget

Tonight/Now here in Israel is Yom HaShoah known around the world as Holocaust Remembrance Day. Its a time of remembering the 6 million Jews who died in the Holocaust.  

Most of you probably might say who gives a f**k, it happened before I was born, didn't affect me, why should I care. Well you should care, maybe it doesn't affect you directly and you didn't lose a family member, but as saying goes Those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it. And that is very true. 

Has the world gotten any better since then, maybe people will say yes in terms of technology and other aspects, but there are still wars being fought, people are still dying because of simple differences. 

So tonight is important, remember what happened, all the lives that were lost and I know many of my friends have young children and you would do anything to protect them and to make the world a better place.  Focus on that, the world we live and work for, is for them, our future to live in a world where the Holocaust never happens again.

As someone who visited some of the camps in Poland, I do urge people if you have the chance to go there, to hear the stories and to remember and never let it be forgotten.

NEVER AGAIN.

Purim

So this week it was the Jewish Holiday of Purim, now the festival is over 1 day but here in Israel it seems to last all week, with parties and people dressing up.  If you're on my Facebook you will have undoubtedly seen me dressed up.  I decided to get into the spirit of things and try to enjoy myself.  

So something simple as a Superman top, with fake glasses and a proper shirt and voila Clark Kent/Superman... although according to a colleague at our office party I am the worst Clark Kent ever as I wasn't protecting my secret identity hehe...

Yes at work we had a party with games and an artist drawing pictures and food and it was cool, I think since I've been here and been working here I've not worked in an office that actively celebrates Purim and in fact you spend the whole morning doing so.  There was also the Mishloach Manot lottery.  Which was basically everyone had to get one and they would give theirs to the name they drew out of the hat and someone would give theirs to you and so on.  So pretty cool, although I now have lots of unhealthy snacks in the apartment and I'm trying to watch what I eat LOL.

For those who don't know Mishloach Manot or Purim basket is usually made up of food and drink and given to friends, family etc. as a gift.  I've actually seen people randomly stop cars and hand out these to people usually children because of the costume they are wearing.

As for Purim it’s the commemoration and story of the Jewish People being saved from Haman who was plotting to wipe all the Jews out and how he was stopped by Mordecai and Queen Esther. To remember the story of Megilla Esther is told every year at the Synagogues and it’s the one of the few times of year where synagogue at a festival is not a sombre or serious time it’s a celebration and during the reading when Haman's name is called out everyone is urged to make noise, be it banging their feet, booing or however you want to make noise... Yep it’s very much a party holiday.

Definitely cool to see people in costumes, I'm a little sad as I've felt excluded by people who could have included me in their plans to go to events that happened and it’s not fun to go to things by yourself, very much hiding in the corner when I'm on my own... sorry to be a little downer at the end but had to be said, it’s my blog and I'll vent if I want.

Otherwise life is good.

I find your lack of confidence disturbing

And there it is my confidence, not very high.  Yet everyone else seems to have faith and confidence in me, the question is why I don’t.  My boss said when I was told that I would have to deliver the report to the Distributor tomorrow that I am my own worst enemy, (basically you're here, we like you and you do a good job) have some faith in your own abilities.  I don't know why I've never had much self-confidence.  Maybe it just something I'm not fully in control of.

I'm sure my last job with the boss being the way he was, wasn't helpful to my self-confidence.  I just feel worried that I'm not doing a good job.  I suppose I have to listen to my Mum and look myself in the mirror and look myself in the eye and tell myself 'I can do this' and tell myself as many times and as many days as I have to, to believe it. Regardless of that, tomorrow I'm doing my first presentation at Moroccanoil and I think realistically I can be nervous as it’s my 1st time.  Still the report has been checked and its good, I just have to take a deep breath, don't babble and get on with it.

Otherwise things are okay, my dating life sucks, 2 scheduled dates and both cancelled for different reasons and probably won't be rescheduled, or it’s a couple of dates and told thanks but you’re not what I'm looking for, you're too nice and I might end up hurting you.  Seriously girls I'm not some fragile guy, I can take it.  I just wish I could meet someone who would see me for who I am.  I mean right now, everyone around me is either, getting married, married and having children or getting engaged and it’s hard not to feel left out on a social level as people move on and I just plod along... Break the cycle if I knew how.

Still it could be worse I could be a Hull City supporter... oh wait :-(... Seriously relegation seems on the cards for sure now and is it a good thing... maybe as possibly our owners will get lost and we'll get someone who gives a damn about the club and we can rebuild and come back stronger.

Anyway for now, I'm off to make dinner and relax before presentation time, see you later.

Not so good January :-(

Its been a bit of a weird January for me so far.  I've been social but not as much as I have been recently.  Since the beginning of the year I've not been well and maybe that's why I'm feeling a little isolated and alone at the moment.

I've had the traditional cold that I always seem to get at this time of year.  But something else has been bugging me health wise and I'm not sure if its something going on in my head.  Someone suggested maybe I'm anxious which is causing me to feel off..

Though I've even been told by work that I don't need to be anxious about anything there.  They actually told me that they're very happy with my performance and I shouldn't worry.  I think its nice that they're actually concerned about me as a person.  And as previously mentioned about the performance, I've also been given a pay rise which is great.  Feels weird though as previous jobs I've had to ask and not had pay rises after 7 months in a job before which is cool.

Not sure what else to tell you, very quiet at the moment as I feel like I'm stressed for now reason and I need to get past that, but I'm struggling with that.  Maybe I'm feeling a little lost at the moment, but hopefully eventually I'll find the right path again.